So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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