she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
