I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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