Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
