You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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