my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
