i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
