I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
