he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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