We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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