Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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