the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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