If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
