Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize