just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
