i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize