he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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