hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
