she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
