i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
