i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize