Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
