i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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