Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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