had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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