Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
