I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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