if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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