i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
