She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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