you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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