dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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