Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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