Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
