News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
did you just send me my own nude
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
