Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
