Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
