did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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