fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
