He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
