Apparently you make a good broom.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
