What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
