if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
