Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
