Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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