Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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