sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
