The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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