My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
