dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
