I got chris browned last night
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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