Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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