I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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