her vagine was all disorganized.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
