We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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