I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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