I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
