Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
