the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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