I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
