sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
